Blonde Jokes
Well Joke Junkies, I had to do it, (you know I did!)
A Page dedicated just to Blonde Jokes!!!
The
background music is "If you're happy and you know it" ROFLMAO
This cool font is called "Girls are Weird" (I thought it fitting,
don't you?)
If you're
blonde, I'm sorry, (Really I am!!)
But us Joke Junkies just can't help ourselves sometimes!
Do
you have a good Blonde Joke you'd like to share?
Click on the mailbox below and put "Blond Joke"
in the subject line.
Sign my Graffiti Wall / View my Graffiti Wall
Not First Class The Blonde Mom Two Blondes and the mirror
Blonde Construction Workers Following Directions 51 Days
A Blonde Kidnapper She was so Blonde that. . The Blonde Pilot
Bonanza Pronunciation Indecent Exposure
Click here for Little Johnny Jokes
Not First Class
On a plane bound for New York the flight attendant approached a blonde
sitting in the first class section and requested that she move to economy
since she did not have a first class ticket.
The blonde replied, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to New York and
I'm not moving."
Not wanting to argue with a customer the flight attendant asked the
co-pilot to speak with her. He went to talk with the woman asking her to
please move out of the first class section.
Again, the blonde replied, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to New
York and I'm not moving."
The copilot returned to the cockpit and asked the captain what should he do.
The captain said, "I'm married to a blonde, and I know how to handle this."
He went to the first class section and whispered in the blonde's ear. She
immediately jumped up and ran to the economy section mumbling to herself,
"Why didn't anyone just say so?"
Surprised, the flight attendant and the copilot asked what he said to her
that finally convinced her to move from her seat.
He said, "I told her the first class section wasn't going to New York."
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The Blonde
Mom
The blonde woman had waited a long time to get pregnant. When
she finally had the baby, she was as proud as can be. She telephoned
everyone to tell them of her new bundle of joy. One afternoon all
her relatives come to visit to meet the newest member of their family.
When they ask to see the baby, the new mother said, "Not yet."
A little later they ask to see the baby again. Again the blonde
mother said, "Not yet."
Finally they say, "When can we see the baby?" And the blonde mother
said, "When the baby cries."
So the agitated relatives asked, "why do we have to wait until the
baby cries?"
The new mother guiltily admitted, "Because I forgot where I put it."
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Two
Blondes and the mirror
Two blondes are walking down the street. One blonde finds a little mirror,
looks in it, again, and again. Puzzled, she says to her friend, "I just know
I've seen this face before!"
"Give it to me", says the other blonde. She looks in the mirror and says,
"Of course, you silly! It's me!!"
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The Blonde and the Job Interview
A Blonde goes for a job interview in an office. The interviewer
starts with the basics. "So, Miss, can you tell us your age, please?"
The blonde counts carefully on her fingers for half a minute
before replying....... "Ehhhh... 22."
The interviewer tries another straightforward one to break the
ice. "And can you tell us your height, please?"
The young lady stands up and produces a measuring tape from her
handbag. She then traps one end under her foot and extends the tape
to the top of her head. She checks the measurement and announces
....."Five foot two!"
This isn't looking good so the interviewer goes for the real
basics; something the interviewee won't have to count, measure, or
lookup. "Just to confirm for our records, your name please?"
The blonde bobs her head from side to side for about fifteen
seconds, mouthing something silently to herself, before replying
......."Mandy!"
The interviewer is completely baffled at this stage, so he asks
"What were you doing when I asked you your name?"
"Ohhhh, that!" replies the airhead," I was just running through
that song,...... 'Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you....' ".
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Tracks
Two blondes are walking through the woods and come upon a set of
tracks. One blonde said that they were deer tracks. The other blonde said
that they were moose tracks. They were still arguing when the train hit
them.
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The
Paternity Trial
At a paternity trial, the blonde's lawyer asked, "On the night
of July 16th last, at approximately 11:45 p.m., in the locale
known generally as 'Lover's Lane' did the defendant have sexual
relations with you ?"
"Yes." whispered the girl, her head bowed.
"And did the defendant on that occasion, to the best of your
knowledge, have a climax ?" the lawyer continued.
"Oh no." she replied, "I'm pretty sure he had one of them real
fancy Mazdas."
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Blonde
Construction Workers
Two blondes were working on a house. The one who was nailing down siding
would reach into his nail pouch, pull out a nail and either toss it over
his shoulder or nail it in.
The other blonde, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, "Why are you
throwing those nails away?"
The first blonde explained, "If I pull a nail out of my pouch and it's
pointed TOWARD me, I throw it away 'cause it's defective. If it's pointed
toward the HOUSE, then I nail it in!"
The second blonde got completely upset and yelled, "You MORON!!! The nails
pointed toward you aren't defective! They're for the OTHER side of the
house!!"
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Following Directions
It was a hot and humid July afternoon, when I decided to visit my girl
friend, Susie. Susie may be blonde and beautiful, but sometimes she is,
shall we say, lacking in other areas. Well Susie had decided her kitchen
needed repainting, and instead of hiring a professional, decided to do it
herself. I thought she might appreciate a break and brought over some cold
beer and some sandwitches. When I arrived, I found Susie working hard
painting the kitchen walls. But instead of wearing old clothes, she was
wearing her fur coat and her ski parka. I asked her why she was dressed
that way on such a hot day. She brought me the paint bucket and told me to
read the instructions. I did. It said,
. . . "For best results, put on two coats."
51 Days
A bartender is sitting behind the bar on a typical day, when the door
bursts open and in come four exuberant blondes. They come up to the bar,
order five bottles of champagne and ten glasses, take their order over and
sit down at a large table. The corks are popped, the glasses are filled
and they begin toasting and chanting, "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"
Soon, three more blondes arrive, take up their drinks and the
chanting grows. "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!" Two more blondes show
up and soon their voices are joined in raising the roof. "51 days,
51 days, 51 days!" Finally, the tenth blonde comes in with a picture
under her arm. She walks over to the table, sets the picture in the
middle and the table erupts even more loudly in chant. Up jump the
others, they begin dancing around the table, exchanging high-fives,
all the while chanting "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"
The bartender can't contain his curiosity any longer, so he walks
over to the table. There in the center is a beautifully framed
child's puzzle of the Cookie Monster. When the frenzy dies down a
little bit, the bartender asks one of the blondes, "What's all the
chanting and celebration about?"
The blonde who brought in the picture pipes in, "Everyone thinks that
blondes are dumb and they make fun of us. So, we decided to set the record
straight. Ten of us got together, bought that puzzle and put it together.
The side of the box said 2-4 years, but we put it together in just 51
days!"
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A Blonde Kidnapper
A Blonde was down on her luck.
In order to raise some money, she decided to
kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.
She went to the playground, grabbed a kid,
took him behind a tree, and told him, "I've kidnapped you."
She then wrote a note saying,
"I've kidnapped your kid.
Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag
and put it under the pecan tree next to the
slide on the North side of the playground.
Signed, A Blonde."
The Blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt
and sent him home to show it to his parents.
The next morning the Blonde checked,
and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting
beneath the pecan tree.
The Blonde opened up the bag and found the $10,000
with a note that said,
"How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?"
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She was so Blonde that. . .
She sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
She thought a quarterback was a refund.
She tripped over a cordless phone.
She put lipsick on her forehead because she wanted to
make up her mind.
She got stabbed in a shoot-out.
She told someone to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and
"DONT WALK."
They had to burn the school down to get her out of third
grade.
She took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
At the bottom of the application where it says "sign
here", she put "Sagittarius."
If she spoke her mind, she'd probably be speechless.
When she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the
home, she moved.
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The Blonde Pilot
Two blond guys were sitting around talking. After awhile, first blond
looks at the second blonde and says, "Hey, you want to go up for a ride
in my airplane?"
The second guy says, "Wow, you have an airplane? Let's go!"
So they go for a tour around the city in the plane. Eventually they
run low on fuel and need to land. The blond pilot starts circling
around looking for a place to land. He sees an airstrip close by.
He says his new buddy along for the ride, "Let's land here. It
looks like it's as good a place as any."
So he circles around and goes in for a landing, but at the last
minute he swerves and pulls back up. "Damn!" he says, "That is the
SHORTEST runway I have ever seen! How is anyone supposed to
land on it?" Since it's the only runway nearby, he decides to try
again, with the same result.
Getting pretty irritated, the pilot says to his friend, "All right,
I'm going to try ONE more time, and if I can't land it we're just
going to crash and hope we don't die." So they end up crashing, and
miraculously neither is hurt.
When they crawl out of the wreckage, the first guy is swearing
and gesticulates wildly at the runway. "I'm gonna find whoever
designed this crazy runway and wring his neck! He must be total
moron! No one could land on anything that short!"
The second guy looks around and says "Yeah, but look how wide it
is!"
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Bonanza
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead apply for a position at a large company.
First the brunette goes in. The guy looks over her application and asks her
one question: "How many D's are there in 'Bonanza'?"
The brunette replies, "None."
The guy says, "OK, you may go into the next room for the next stage of
the interviewing process."
The redhead goes in next. The guy asks her the same question: "How many D's
are in 'Bonanza'?"
She replies, "None."
The guy says, "OK, you may go into the next room."
The Blonde goes in and he asks the same question: "How many D's are in
'Bonanza'?"
After counting on her fingers for a few minutes the blonde
replies: "77."
The guy in shock asks her how she came up with 77. She says:
"Dun da da dun dun da dun dun da da" (the Bonanza theme)...
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Pronunciation
Two tourists were driving through Louisiana. As they were approaching
Natchitoches,
they started arguing about the pronunciation of the name of the town.
They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. As they stood at the counter,
one tourist asked the blonde employee, "Before we order, could you please settle an
argument
for us? Would you please pronounce where we are... very slowly?"
The blonde girl leaned over the counter and said, "Burrrrrrrrr, gerrrrrrrr
Kiiiiiing."
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Indecent Exposure
A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open and her
right breast hanging out. A policeman approaches her and says,
"Ma'am, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?"
She says, "Why, officer?"
"Because your breast is hanging out."
She looks down and says,
"OH MY GOD, I left the baby on the bus again!"
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Adverse Golfing Conditions
Two blondes were playing golf at a foggy par three, and could
see the flag, but not the green. Each hit their ball anyway.
When they walked to the green, they discovered one about three
feet from the cup, while the other somehow had gone directly in.
They tried to figure out which ball belonged to who, since
they were both using Titleist number threes. Unable to decide,
they returned to the Club House and asked the golf pro for a
ruling. After hearing their story and congratulating them both
on their superb shots under such adverse conditions he asked, "OK, so
who was playing the yellow ball ?"